Morphining

Ever feel like you are morphing? I know since Julia has had D I have morphed.

First I went out and bought a bunch of sugar free stuff. About a week after dx our CDE told me that SF stuff wasn't needed. But that I should avoid certain foods such as regular soda, and syrup, and juice, but that those things were good for lows. We lived like that for a long while, and then one day I saw this look on Julia's face while she was considering her drink options while we were eating out. She had the choice of diet coke, milk, herbal tea, or water. She just looked sad, not sad like she was going to cry, more broken. So now, I've just thrown that out the window, and have just let her pick whatever she wants. She isn't a huge drinker anyways, and usually just has one glass of whatever. It was tricky at first, but I think I've got it down.

Then there was the whole I hate diabetes thing that came out of the mouth of my babe. It controls her life, and no matter how hard I work to create balance that is just how she is going to feel. To many bg tests, to much worrying about carbs, and the kinds of carbs, and hey can you eat that sucker with dinner so that you can have some fat with it? Diabetes mocks me. I play by it's rules, but they are always changing. They will always change with each life stage, and growth spurt.

Over the past few months I have been holding a weight in my hands that I just don't want to carry. I know the answer to how to get better numbers. More testing. For a lot of people CGMS has been the answer to that. We tried one out, and it wasn't great. I was aware before hand of what it could actually do, that it tests are delayed, but I actually expected to catch lows before they were bad with it. I didn't. Not that whole week did it alarm at 90, and have a mild low. Going off of that was as accurate as taking Julia's word for it (she doesn't feel quite a bit of her lows). It did good with trends to a point, but I just feel we need better. Nothing out there will work for that, though. MM rubs me the wrong way. Our rep was rude, and wouldn't respond to me when looking for a pump, and they seem to have given up on improving their pump (which leaves a lot to be desired) and are no longer focusing on insulin delivery, but CGMS. SO MM probably will never have our business. Dex has plans to make CGMS more expensive to maintain from the sounds of it, and dex is really no better, or worse at guessing what the bg was. Animas has plans to release their CGMS in early 2008, and until that happens we will be playing a guessing game as to if it will happen. Some people having been awaiting the abbot model for quite some time now. Will we ever get something that is actually good? I know even our bg monitors are not accurate, but I'd at least like to be at the ball park if you know what I mean. SO I guess until I see something that is really worth the money we'd be spending we are out, and will not buy into the CGMS that are currently available......

I guess that is enough of a rant for now. Here's another wish that there will be a cure while Julia is young, and before any complications set in.